My Vagina Is Just Fine

TV advertisers take note – our vagina’s are just FINE!!


My Vagina Is Just Fine

 I’ve never wanted to be known as someone who’s a whiner

But I’m sick of advertisers trying to sort my poor vagina.

Commercial breaks are full of them, I don’t know where to start

To dispel this list of ailments that affect our private parts


This constant flow of creams and wipes; of pessaries and powders

Is peddled on you hinting that we smell like sea food chowder

I’ve checked down there, I’m glad to say, that everything looks great

So let me take things one by one and set the record straight


Like every gal, I menstruate, there’s really nothing to it.

If bungee jumping is my thing I’ll still go out and do it.

I’m sorry but your progress with new products makes me yawn

Who cares if we have wings to stick our sanitary towels on.


I don’t have yeasty growths and there’s no fungus on my flaps

No scratching at my area, no chaffing, cracks or chaps

I’ll defuzz if I feel like it, it’s my choice when to spruce

You can’t step in and shame me if I want a massive bush


And will you make your mind up cos I can’t leave this to chance

Is my poor old snatch too dry or am I going to pee my pants?

You reckon that a big sneeze could put pressure on my bladder

Well I’ve finally had enough of this and now I’m getting madder


Occasional adverts would be fine but we have been bombarded

And all the cunty scaremongering should just be disregarded.

We’re happy with our Hoo Ha’s so this scorn is bad enough

But you’re also spreading wider disrespect of ladies muffs.


Hairy, itchy, fungal quims and leaking lady gardens

All before the watershed, and so I beg your pardon

But since when did problem pussies make for early evening viewing

Should pre-school kids be wondering if Mum’s got something brewing?


And why the female focus, do the men get off scott free?

I never have to look at problem peckers during tea.

What happened to equality and fairness for the genders

Discretion for an ailing penis; never a pudenda?


It’s shameless beaver bashing from folks obsessed by fannies

Trying to make a profit from our beautiful punanis.

Go pick another body part to boost your bottom line

Cos the last time that I checked it, my vagina was just fine.

7 thoughts on “My Vagina Is Just Fine”

  1. Haha love it Kate. Although you may have missed the constant adverts for erectile dysfunction? It’s cringeworthy viewing even after the watershed really. If people need this stuff, then they have a captive market. No need to go shoving their leaks, itches and rashes in our faces lol

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